WASHINGTON — After a six-month inquiry involving 14 agencies, three consulting firms, and one shared document nobody could open, the nation’s experts have confirmed that nobody knows what that meeting was about.

The 62-minute gathering reportedly began with a promise to “keep this tight” and ended after each attendee agreed to circle back with the same people who were already present.

Promising lack of progress

Investigators recovered a slide titled Moving Forward Together, though forensic analysis found no evidence that anything moved forward or together.

“There was alignment around the need for more alignment,” said panel chair Dr. Elaine Pritchard. “That is as close as we got.”

Officials have scheduled a follow-up meeting to determine who should schedule the follow-up meeting.