Economy Adds 40,000 Jobs Asking Employees to Do the Work of Three People

Analysts celebrated a surge in positions offering competitive exposure and the occasional chair.

By Misprint StaffDecember 31, 1969 at 3:15 AM1 min readSatire

Tall office buildings viewed from below — A scene recreated after everyone involved declined to remember it clearly.Photo illustration / The National Misprint

NEW YORK — The economy added 40,000 jobs last month requiring each successful applicant to perform the work of three departed colleagues, according to an upbeat report released Friday.

The new roles feature dynamic responsibilities, cross-functional opportunities, and compensation benchmarked against a year nobody remembers.

Robust demand

Economists praised the numbers after confirming that one employee receiving three job descriptions still counts as one job.

Primary duties: everything currently unattended
Benefits: access to a shared calendar
Growth potential: immediate, unavoidable

Markets rose on the news before remembering it was Friday afternoon.

This is satire. This story is fictional. Any resemblance to actual events is an unfortunate scheduling coincidence.

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