Congress Passes Landmark Bill Requiring All Bills to Have More Impressive Names

The THUNDER EAGLE FREEDOM ACT directs lawmakers to spend no less than 40 percent of drafting time on acronyms.

By Clark PressmanJanuary 1, 1970 at 3:15 AM1 min readSatire

The United States Capitol under a dramatic sky — A scene recreated after everyone involved declined to remember it clearly.Photo illustration / The National Misprint

WASHINGTON — In a rare display of bipartisan capitalization, Congress approved sweeping legislation requiring every future bill to have a name that sounds capable of defeating a submarine.

The THUNDER EAGLE FREEDOM ACT passed 412–18 after lawmakers learned the measure’s actual contents would be determined later.

Historic branding reform

Under the law, all bill titles must include at least one of the following words: freedom, families, future, strength, eagle, or advanced.

Critics called the measure superficial before introducing the COMMON SENSE ACCOUNTABILITY PATRIOT SHIELD ACT to repeal it.

This is satire. This story is fictional. Any resemblance to actual events is an unfortunate scheduling coincidence.